I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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