I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
