bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize