I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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