ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
