I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
