Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
