We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
