I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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