I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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