Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
