GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
