I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
