Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
