took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i would punch a child for taco bell
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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