I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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