the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
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