Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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