It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize