Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
