I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize