There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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