Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Randomize
