Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
