She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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