and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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