just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
