Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
