it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
