I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
