Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
