Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
