Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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