oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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