I looked at my own cervix.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
