just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
