you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize