A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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