it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Drunk is not a location!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
