I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I met the friendliest cop last night
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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