I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
