Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
