i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
