**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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