We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
