This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
