Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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