I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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