If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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