True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
