So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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