I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
