I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just cut my nipple shaving
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
