I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize