Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
