Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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