Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you inspire me to be a worse person
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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