If that was your dad, he is hot
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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