NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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