i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
organizing the empties. That sober.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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