i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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