tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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