She's JV to your varsity
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize