my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
