i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
