I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
