I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
