The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize