i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
