I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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