Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
