my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
