she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
