You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
