Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
