Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
