So drunk its hurt
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize