Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
