so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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