Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
