Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize