I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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